I was listening to War of the Roses this past Thursday. WOR, for those who want to know, is a radio segment in one of the stations I listen to on my way to work. The set up is the hosts call an alleged cheating spouse, mostly husbands, and pretend-offer them to send on their behalf a dozen long stem roses to anybody they want to, not knowing their partner is on the other line. If they send the roses to a different person, then BAM – secret’s out and all hell has broken loose. As expected, the spouse is indeed cheating on his wife, yada yada yada, and they take it off the air for further discussion, but that’s not what bothered me the most. You see, in this particular episode, the woman he is cheating with actually knew he is married, which is the reason why she went out with him in the first place. In short, she only dates married men!
As I try to regain my senses, she further explains that she doesn’t care what other people think (yeah, that’s why she hides behind a fake name) and that it is not her fault that married men attract her. Now, most people, myself included, would think that this girl’s batsh-t crazy. I know there’s a shortage of good men, but come on! Then, I remember during my wedding preparation days when I would go to a bb community in The Knot, I came across a topic about “the other person” and how there are actually a lot of men and women out there deliberately having affairs with married people. They even have websites (no, I’m not giving it to you, but Google is your friend) that actually give support to those who are the extras in the extramarital affairs. Needless to say, the WOR incident is not as uncommon as we’d like to think.
To make matters even more…….interesting in my head, my husband, Cookie Monster, told me of an incident that happened when he was working in his 2nd job. You see, he works as a security officer for a club and like any other guy in uniform who works in that environment, he (and his partner, I would imagine) would get all kinds of proposals from inebriated women. One night, there was this girl who was trying to really have a thing going with him. When he told her he’s married, skanky hoe (hey, she’s hitting on my husband. I can call her whatever I like!) says to him, “That’s okay, I don’t want any commitments.” Of course, nothing happened (trust me, I’m VERY sure), but this left Cookie Monster and me picking our jaws up the floor! I just couldn’t fathom what this girl was thinking!
So, I revisited that website to try and understand why these people get into affairs even when they know the person they’re having coitus is married already. Non-commitment is just too shallow of a reason, even for them. Browsing through the stories, I was actually surprised that a lot of them know that the chances of the married people they have extramarital affairs with leaving their spouses are slim to none. They even have a code of conduct on how to behave as the other person. Yet, even though they know that the people they are having forbidden loves will more likely leave them, they are content with what they have. Many have found happiness with their lovers that they’ve been missing and trying to find and if this is the only way they could achieve their happiness, then they are willing to take the chance of being humiliated in public. Some have been publicly maligned to the point that they have relocated to start a new life. From their heartfelt stories, I was almost feeling sympathy for them. Almost.
While I understand that they have found some sort of happiness and contentment with their lovers, the fact is, they can possibly cause a deep hurt to another person, namely their lover’s spouse and in most cases, children. Whether the marriage is an unhappy one or both husband and wife have gone to the proverbial “growing apart” phase, the fact is, they are still married. If the marriage is falling apart, it will fall apart. However, being involved with the married person is like adding fuel to the fire, and whether your lover stays with you or the spouse, chances are, there will always be that lingering guilt inside of you in the end. Additionally, many of these cheating spouses are, from what I have seen so far, a bunch of selfish donkey brains that even if you enter into the relationship with your self-confidence intact, they can manage to make you feel like a horse’s dung in the end. Furthermore, there is that stigma that looms over your head that would make you feel dirty whenever you get out of your house. Let’s face it, not everybody can wear the scarlet letter like Hester.
Then, there’s our original cheater’s accomplice. She states that she really does not care what people think and she will continue to do whatever she wants to do. Well, bravo for her, but really, who is she fooling? She called in and gave a different name! A lot of the times, the pressure of being labeled as a home-wrecker can be too much. Some people decide to move to a different place where nobody knows them. There are those who foolishly wait for their lovers to leave their spouses, thinking that the love they have will be strong enough to withstand all tribulations. Come to find out, the lovers are either really happily married but are just really serial cheaters or are just trying to live a fantasy of having a mistress-on-call. Lastly, there are others who get so depressed that at times, they think of committing suicide and sadly, many of them do. If all these things are worth going through just for your happiness, then more power to you.
Look, I am not trying to be judgmental about the choices they make—we all have free will at our disposal. Nonetheless, I can’t help but wonder exactly why people would go into a complicated relationship such as this. I know that the search for happiness is what we strive for, yet you have to ask this – is your happiness really worth it when you knowingly caused heartache to someone who didn’t do anything directly wrong to you, whether they deserve it or not? If that so-called soulmate you found is really the one, is it really that hard to wait until he or she is fully unattached before you start a relationship with them?
In the end, we all have the right to do whatever we want to do and the responsibility to own up to the consequences of our actions. You really don’t need MY or anybody else’s blessing to do what you want to do. Just don’t go hitting on my husband, or you will find yourself experiencing what it feels like to be in The Hostel….LOL!
No comments:
Post a Comment